8 Tips to Spice Up Man-on-Top Sex

Missionary man-on-top is sort of the starter Sim of sex: the template we’re all still (sigh) handed as the example of what “sex” is. Of course, sex is SO much more than that, and a lot of times doesn’t even involve a man, penetration, or anyone on top. But knowing how to do it and make it more pleasurable for you and your partner is a good basic skill to have at the ready. This content is imported from {embed-name}. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

We asked some experts how to best enjoy man-on-top, whether the “man” is a penis-haver, your GF wearing a dildo, or anyone or any toy you’re getting down with these days.

1. Start shallow

Try shallow thrusts at first, and maybe the whole time. “Nerve endings are concentrated around the entrance of the vagina, which means that teasing, shallow penetration with even just the tip of the penis can feel amazing,” says Isharna Walsh, the Founder, and CEO of Coral, a personalized sexual wellness app. “For many women, shallow penetration is more likely to lead to orgasm, not least of which because there may be more room in between their bodies to manually stimulate her clitoris with fingers or a vibrator.”

And if you do enjoy deep penetration, it’s way better if you’re fully aroused, with lots of foreplay and clit stim first. “If she’s not fully aroused, she can feel that ‘bumping up’ feeling as the penis bumps against the cervix, which can be uncomfortable or painful,” Walsh adds.

2. Work in your masturbation preferences.

“How do you ordinarily masturbate? Start masturbating and invite him to join,” recommends Sarah Melancon, Ph.D., Sociologist and Clinical Sexologist, and the Sexuality and Relationships Expert for SexToyCollective.com. “Continue doing what you enjoy, and let him work his way in so you’re both part of the party.”

3. Add a toy for your benefit, and also theirs.

“Don’t be afraid to bring in a vibrator!,” says Adam W, co-founder along with his wife Kate of pleasurebetter.com, a site to help people enjoy their sexuality. “It’s tough trying to do everything at once on top while also holding up your own body weight! We take some of the work off each of us by having her use a vibrator on her clit while I’m moving inside her. If you’re letting a toy do the clit work, it’s much easier to let your hands roam the rest of her body, focus on moving at the best angles for her, and be in the moment together!”

A vibrator or toy can make the difference between orgasmic P-in-V and… just the bit with the P-in-V. “It’s tough for most people to get the right amount and intensity of clitoral stimulation to orgasm from penetrative sex,” says Tara Struyk, co-founder of Kinkly.com. “If you’re meh about having your partner on top, having a good orgasm can’t hurt in terms of enjoying it a whole lot more.”

4. Try rocking instead of thrusting

“Super-quick, in-and-out thrusting (think like a jackhammer or the majority of straight porn) probably isn’t going to do it.” says Walsh. Instead, Walsh suggests the man entering his partner fully, and then pushing the area above his penis against her clit. “Just that pressure can feel really good, and even a small amount of movement here can stimulate the clitoris enough for some women to orgasm. In CAT, a variation on missionary known as the Coital Alignment Technique, you move together in a rocking motion to create friction, which provides direct, hands-free stimulation of the clitoris.”

5. Experiment with anal

“When engaging in anal sex, most people don’t think of missionary as a position to try, but it actually has some unique benefits,” says Elle Chase, certified sex educator and author of Curvy Girl Sex. How? The position of the receiver makes it easier for them to reach around and stimulate their clitoris or vulva with a vibrator. Not only will the vibrator be pleasurable in and of itself, but it can also aid in the relaxation of the anus, which is essential when it comes to pleasurable anal sex.

6. Do some other stuff, too

You are quite welcome to just lie there, but it’s way better if you move around and experiment with new positions and ways to touch each other. “If you’re on the bottom, you can easily use your hands because you don’t need them to support your weight,” says Lana Otoya, a professional dating coach and sex blogger from Millennialships.com. “Wrap them around your man and caress his back, shoulders, butt and thighs. You can also use your hands to give yourself pleasure. This not only makes you feel good but he’ll also appreciate the show!”

You can also try reaching around under the leg of your partner and lightly tugging on his testicles a bit while he’s on top or stimulating his nipples through licking or touching to turn both of you on further, suggests Krysta Monet, The Feminine Truth podcaster and founder of Nine and North Co.

7. Tell your partner what you need

“I am 5’2 and my friend is 6’4. I love tall guys and have struggled with missionary many times because it often means I’m stuffed under a much larger partner and its a fine line between ‘Oh this is fun’ and ‘Back up, I have no space,’. So I learned to speak up early on,” says Tami Rose, resident sex expert and owner of Romantic Adventures.

”A little adjustment can make a BIG difference. So the partner on the bottom needs to let their partner know how they are feeling and, if it’s too intense, adjust the angle, add a pillow, lift a leg, or do whatever it takes to make things feel awesome!” says Struyk.

8. Accessorize for comfort

“Use a good lubricant. It’s the simplest advice, but it makes any position soooo much more comfortable when it comes to penetrative sex,” says Struyk.

“The Liberator Wedge pillow offers a different angle and is great with big men who have bellies,” adds Kendra Holliday, sex positive activist and creator of The Beautiful Kind. (If access is still difficult, have your partner kneel in front of you while you lie back with your butt propped up on the pillow.)

And finally, “Throw a sex blanket or easily washable blanket beneath you before sex for easy clean-up.” suggests Antonia Hall, psychologist, sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. That way, no one is left sleeping in the damp wet spot too. Bonus.

by JILL HAMILTON 

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