If you’re a woman reading this, chances are you’ve encountered a player or two in your dating past. And if you haven’t, you’re either extremely lucky, or great at tuning into and listening to your intuition.
There have been more than a few times when I’ve ignored all the major red flags I saw very early on, only to wind up being ghosted, or extremely hurt. But at the time, I wasn’t really aware of what I should’ve been looking out for.
Nobody deserves to have that happen to them. So, to help you out, I’m going to share all the early signs to look out for. That way, you can move on and find someone who is actually worth your time.
He texts too little, or too often.
When you’ve just met in a bar or on a dating site, does he keep on blowing up your phone with constant messages back and forth the entire day? Or does he seem keen at first, and then slowly check out and take longer and longer to reply to your messages?
I remember one time a guy literally didn’t text me back for two months. And instead of deleting the message and blocking his number, I foolishly made excuses for him and replied. To top it all off, I never heard from him again.
Don’t repeat my mistake ladies. If he’s not a normal texter, have your guard up from the start.
He avoids answering a question you’ve asked him.
Have you asked him a question before, and he has either smoothly changed the subject, or point blank said he won’t answer? Both are signs that he has difficulty being honest, and that he has things he’s not proud of that he wants to hide = PLAYER.
A kind man who is genuinely interested in you and a potential future with you will always be honest because he knows you deserve nothing less.
He invites you to his place after your first date.
This is a clear sign he’s only interested in hook ups, and there’s a good chance he’s having lots of them right now, or is used to this approach working for him in the past.
If you’re only looking for fun, then that might suit you just fine. But, if you’re looking for something serious, and he invites you back to his place when you barely know each other, it’s a huge red flag that he’s not ready to commit to one person in a relationship.
You don’t know where you stand with him.
Most of the ambiguity around this is the result of feeling like you just can’t ask him where you stand. Which would be the obvious, sensible thing to do, right?
But we don’t. Because we don’t want to seem too keen and scare him away. We want to come across as the cool chick who’s happy not putting labels on things.
But where does that get us? Hurt. If he likes you, he won’t be put off when you ask where you guys are in your relationship. He’ll want to answer that truthfully, so that he can put you at ease. That’s what MEN do. Boys play games.
He’s really hot, and then he’s cold as ice.
One moment he’s asking you how many kids you think you’ll have together, and where you want to get married; and the next he’s got so much on at work, and he just needs some time to figure things out.
If he’s not ALL in, then tell him to get out. Your time is far too precious to waste on someone who doesn’t know what they want, and isn’t prepared to be honest about it.
He tells you white lies.
It might start with adding a few years to his age, or embellishing what he does for work, or playing down how many women he’s slept with.
That’s how it starts, which isn’t great, and let me tell you the ending is ugly. If he’s prepared to lie this early on, how can you ever trust him? It’s the guys who tell white lies, who end up cheating, ghosting, and living complete double lives.
He overloads on the compliments, and they’re all based on your appearance.
It’s nice to know that a guy finds you physically attractive, so genuine, non-creepy compliments are always well received. But, there is a fine line, and if crossed, it needs to be taken note of.
If he piles on the compliments, and they’re all related to your legs, bum, boobs etc. then it’s safe to say he’s probably as shallow as he comes across, and isn’t interested in more than your legs, bum, or boobs. Beware of these early signs that he’s no more than a player, ladies. You’ve been warned. If something feels off to you—listen to that instinct and trust it.
by SHANI JAY